


Wipe Your Eyes

by VenezuelanWriter



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Episode: s11e18 A Beautiful Disaster, Explicit Sexual Content, Feelings, Goodbye Sex, Goodbyes, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-08-16 08:38:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8095387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VenezuelanWriter/pseuds/VenezuelanWriter
Summary: It had been hard at first to admit their feelings, to finally start an actual relationship. Then leaving each other was another hard blow, but now this... this is just too much.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been so absent in this fandom. I miss it. And I’m not over Derek’s departure yet. That’s why here you have this two-parts and unbeta'd piece. Let me know your thoughts <3<3

"Hey you, come over and let me embrace you; I know that I'm causing you pain too, but remember if you need to cry,  
I'm here to wipe your eyes". -Maroon 5, Wipe Your Eyes.

* * *

Morgan doesn’t want to do this; it would make it real. He wishes he could avoid this moment so he could pretend it’s not happening. But Spencer deserves a proper goodbye –no, not a goodbye, a see you later. Because none of them it’s _dying_ , they’ll just stop working together.

Such a stupid comfort. It’ll be _so_ fucking different.

He walks in the conference room and Reid turns to him the moment he’s aware of his presence.

“I know you hate goodbyes, kid. And change.” Spencer is quiet and stares blankly at him in response. “Hey, it isn’t always a bad thing.”

Spencer sighs and his eyes can barely meet Derek’s without getting watery. “I just can’t imagine this room without you.”

“So don’t. Don’t think about it. You know I’m always gonna be by your side, I’m just a phone call away.”

It sounds so simple. Reid sighs, knowing it’s a lie, knowing Morgan knows it too. They won’t talk as frequently as they do now –and that’s okay, Morgan will be focused on raising a child and supporting a home. But oh why do things have to be this way?

Morgan sighs, lamented. “I sorry I can’t stay.”

Spencer immediately gives a sad smile and answers, “I don’t want you to stay because I know why you’re leaving and I couldn’t be happier for you.” That’s genuine, he is happy for his best friend. Or whatever they are after so much they’ve been through. The term wouldn’t fit, not because it’s too big, but vice versa: it’s too small.

They’ve shared so much, so many moments, touches, _nights_. Not only having the best sex ever but also lying next to each other calmly because they needed to relax from a stressful case. The affection and love gestures –everything that was beyond a tight hug- had stopped the moment when Morgan had become serious with Savannah.

They won’t even be there for each other like that anymore: comfort displays that deep down inside them always have a trace of what they once actually were.

Derek’s heart warms at the thought that Spencer, even when this hurt and anxious, actually feels happy for him. He’s always been this pure and bright. He’s not selfish, he doesn’t focus on himself and the fact that Morgan won’t ever be even a little bit his –or, rather, that he won’t ever be Morgan’s.

Derek grabs Spencer’s shoulders to pulls him in a hug like those that represent how far they allow themselves to go. He brushes his nose against Spencer’s hair, it’s smell so familiar and at the same time so foreign.

A single tear rolls down Spencer’s cheek –he couldn’t help it. The weight of Morgan’s palm on his back and then messing with his hair (old memories come back. Morgan did that so many times long before start being ‘Derek’) and knowing this will soon be over simply kills him.

Derek takes a deep breath, still taking in Spencer’s sweet essence.

“I love you,” he whispers. They don’t say it often, not even after they did it for the first time when being in a relationship. It was something reserved for this kind of occasions, which perhaps makes things harder.

“Love you,” Spencer answers almost whimpering. He gasps and palms Derek’s back once more, already pulling back. Right before he lets go of Derek’s embrace, he presses his mouth against his shoulder. He doesn’t kiss, it probably would be too much, but his will to do it is demanding.

When they’re out of each other’s arms, Derek notices Spencer’s tears. He can’t help the guilt showing in his chest or the fact that he doesn't stand to make Spencer suffer this way. He tilts Spencer’s chin, making him look him in the eye.

Derek leans in and Spencer freezes at his closeness, closing his eyes when Derek’s lips plant a soft kiss on his cheek where his tear was but no longer is. Derek remains there even when his lips leave Spencer’s face. His forehead just a few centimeters apart from Spencer’s and Spencer’s mind is focused on the memory of how good those kisses felt on his lips, how amazing it always was to share a kiss with Derek.

And Spencer can’t help this, he can’t stop himself. It’s his basic muscle memory–he’s going to blame that, because he stopped worrying about rationality a long time ago when it was about Morgan. He closes the short space between them and open-mouthedly kisses Derek on the lips. It’s hungry but passionate and Derek has just kissed back when Spencer pulls back.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Spencer starts to mumble, ashamed. “We said we wouldn’t do that again.”

But Derek’s hand goes to rest on his waist and with a look of caress and affection his fingers tighten around Spencer’s skin, holding him still for a next kiss.

It’s longer than the other and it’s Spencer again who breaks the spell, although this time is for a different reason.

“We’re so reckless, Derek. Someone might see us.”

Derek shrugs. “Then let’s go to your apartment.” Spencer is about to argue, but Derek doesn’t let him. “It’s okay. Just one last time, a proper goodbye.”

Spencer’s brain is at its maximum speed. “Were you planning this?” It’s all he asks, however.

“No. But I just realized I need it.” He tucks Spencer’s hair behind his ear and kisses again his lips briefly. “What do you say?”

Spencer nods, overwhelmed and happy and excited and anxious. “I say that I really need you too.”


	2. Chapter 2

"Please don't lose your faith. Don't worry 'cause I'm here to keep you safe. I promise if you let me see your face that I won't let you down. I'm here to wipe your eyes" -Maroon 5, Wipe Your Eyes.

* * *

Derek had told Savannah that he and Reid would “relive old times for one last time before he left the BAU”, that he wouldn’t spend the night home but that next day before noon he’d be back to help her with Hank. She hadn’t questioned it; after all, she knows that Reid is her husband’s best friend and understands that not working together anymore must be hard (Especially for Reid).

Now, still fully dressed, they both lay down on Spencer’s bed, looking at each other in silence. Derek’s fingers delicately go over Spencer’s facial features and Spencer, whose eyes are closed, uses his hand to caress and stroke Derek’s biceps and covered chest.

Spencer hums in pleasure, deeply appreciating the intimacy that everything implies.

“Derek,” he whispers, almost inaudible. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Spencer has his doubts. Not because this could not be wonderful, but because refreshing this could make everything even harder.

“Yes, Spencer,” he answers confidently. “Are you?”

“Yes.”

“Then why do you have that face?”

Spencer’s eyebrows frown. “What face?”

“The same one you had when you weren’t ready but you claimed you were?” Derek recalls the occasion. He had to work hard to convince Spencer that he could totally understand that he needed more time to feel comfortable about anal sex.

Spencer sighs, annoyed because Derek reads him _too_ well. “Because I’ll miss you so, so much.”

Derek runs a hand over Spencer’s chest and stomach until it’s on his hip and his thumb plays with the belt loops. “Just enjoy it, enjoy _me_. Don’t think about what comes next.”

Spencer knows Derek’s right. If this is going to be the very last time they’re together this way, then he has to make it count.

“Okay, then. Make me forget about the world.”

Derek smiles as he’s reminded of how refined Spencer’s dirty talk is. That, right there, is Spencer asking him to be so dedicated that he can’t even remember his name. And he loves it. He kisses Spencer full on the lips and at the expected moan, he gets on top of his lean body to start seducing him.

The kiss is evolving quickly as their lips dance to an unspoken choreography. Spencer sucks Derek’s bottom lip and Derek does the same with his upper one. Their tongues massage each other’s and at the same time, their hands wander their bodies with a patience and determination that surprises them both.

Derek starts biting down Spencer’s pale neck, kissing and leaving love bites and hickeys on his way. He can’t go further than Spencer’s neck because of his shirt, so he unbuttons the vest and his hand rest on Spencer’s stomach.

“Oh,” Spencer moans feeling the blissful feeling hitting him. “Help me out of these,” he says gesturing to his shirt and still half-on vest.

“Sure thing.”

Derek does so and leaves Spencer shirtless, his bare and silky chest exposed to his delight. Derek returns to kiss Spencer, but he’s interrupted.

“No, no. You need to take yours as well.”

Derek smirks. Spencer is already on the ‘that's not fair’ phase. He complies and he becomes light headed when their chest touch. It’s been so much since this, since they had so much physical contact and were so much into each other.

Derek's biting, kissing and licking finally go down Spencer’s body, giving attention to his prominent collarbone and pectorals. He can even feel Spencer’s skipping heart in his chest. When he licks Spencer’s nipple, Spencer arches his back involuntarily.

“I want to be inside you right now,” Derek groans.

And then Spencer’s rational thoughts kick in. “I’m out of lube,” he announces. “I haven’t –since, uhm, you.”

Derek knows it’s not because Spencer doesn’t get asked out; he knows is for his own choice.

“Then…” Derek wonders.

“I can get you lubed up, you know that. If you would still like…” Spencer brings Derek down, so close that his lips brush his earlobe. “…My mouth on your cock.” Spencer is pleased to feel Derek’s member twitching against his leg at the vocabulary.

Derek is aware of how long it had taken Spencer to feel confident enough to say that kind of things. He knows Spencer does it just to please him and he feels more than flattered by the act.

“Of course,” he mumbles. “I’d love you to.”

Spencer smiles and gently pushes Derek back. “Well, get comfortable, Der.”

Derek does, he leans his back on the headboard and gives Spencer space to work from the other end of the bed. Derek looks keenly at him: how he carefully but agilely undoes his pants, the patience he has to stroke him through his underwear before finally putting them down his legs.

His body tenses just at Spencer’s breath close to his erection. Spencer's mouth is watering at the sight. He licks from the base to the head leaving a visible trail of saliva behind, and plays with Derek's balls in his hand, massaging them slowly.

Spencer takes a deep breath and circle Derek’s member with his lips, bobbing up and down the hardening length. Derek’s head is fighting to snap back, but he wants to keep his eyes fixed on the arousing view. The feeling of his cock being engulfed in wet heat by the mouth of one of the people he loves the most on this Earth is mind-blowing.

Spencer looks up, too, his face heating as his and Derek’s eyes meet. It gets even more personal than before, and for some reason, even more personal than ever.

Spencer swallows around it, procuring to salivate more and to add more pleasure around Derek. Derek, at the treatment, has to fight his urges to thrust in his mouth and let his hips lift. He knows Spencer can handle this perfectly to rush something.

Spencer sucks and bobs his head, gently and almost imperceptibly scraping teeth. It's not a sign of being "out of practice", Derek enjoys the brief rush of them and Spencer learned it a long time ago.

Derek's hand rests on Spencer's hair, tugging it with care to keep him in place while Spencer's lips are sealed to the base.

The hand Spencer hand on Derek's balls go to stroke his own painful erection, his eyes close at the feeling and he moans around Derek's cock.

“C’mon, Spence,” Derek tells him. “Let me take care of you.”

Spencer gives him two more sucks before retiring his mouth with a loud plop off Derek’s dick and going to lay down with undone pants on the bed.

Derek pulls Spencer's pants down his legs and kisses the outline of his cock through the underwear, to then release it free. He gets two fingers in his mouth but Spencer offers himself to do it.

“Here, I’ll do it.”

“I don’t know why I’d forgotten how diligent you were for this.”

“How dare you,” Spencer answered, smiling.

Derek presented him his index and middle fingers in front of Spencer’s mouth. Spencer sucked Derek’s fingers in his mouth and closed his eyes; Derek using the time to jerk him off. Spencer holds Derek by the shoulders to handle the stimulation and soon a third finger is introduced into his mouth as well.

Spencer sucks excitedly and Derek eventually pulls them out.

“I’m going to lube your ass, too.”

Spencer nods and Derek lifts his hips for his face to disappear between Spencer’s butt cheeks. His tongue licks circles around the ring of muscle and gets inside it, using his tongue to pour as much saliva as possible on it.

“Fuck, Derek,” Spencer moans. And Derek already learned that when Spencer curses, he wants it _bad_. “I need you.”

“I don’t want it to be over,” Derek answers.

Spencer looks down to his and Derek’s cocks. “It’s going to be over, Derek. And I want you to be inside me by the time it is.”

“Okay, okay, I still have to finger you.”

Spencer nods and the lubed fingers start gliding inside him one by one. His cock twitches at the missed feeling that he’d been craving for so long. Derek curls his fingers and reaches Spencer’s prostate, causing him to arch his back, shake, and clench his hands on the sheets anticipating what's coming next.

When Spencer is already three fingers down, legs spread, Derek finally, _finally_ is going to replace the digits with his member.

They've done this in other positions before, but there's no doubt that they have to face each other for this time.

Derek's hands hold Spencer by his waist and Spencer hangs around Derek's neck with his arms. Derek lifts him and Spencer hooks a leg around his waist.

“Pretty boy," Derek whispers with an intensity that makes Spencer shiver. “My pretty boy”, he repeats as he glides in Spencer.

Spencer moans immediately and takes a deep breath when Derek buries in him completely. He tightens his leg for a better support and looks Derek in the eyes.

"I love you," he whispers. "I love you, Derek, so much,” he insists as his hands massage Derek's back.

Derek plants kisses all over Spencer’s face and then on his mouth. "Me too, Spencer, always."

Derek starts to make love to him, slowly thrusting into his body with gentleness and caution. He wants this to last, he wants this moment _never_ to end.

Spencer knew he missed being full like this, but it’s beyond overwhelming the sensation flesh on his skin again, the rhythmical rocking of Derek that starts slow to the increase its speed.

Spencer’s hands rest on Derek’s back while he’s between his supporting arms, when Derek holds up his face and rest their foreheads together. The dizziness caused by breathing the same air is almost too much –it _means_ too much.

Spencer’s other leg goes to Derek’s waist too, angling him better so Derek can go even deeper inside him.

“ _Nngh_ , Derek,” Spencer moans while his back arches again. Derek keeps his position and makes sure to hit again that spot, delivering Spencer more pleasure.

Spencer keeps making delicious sounds and Derek is groaning quietly, reaching for Spencer’s lips to suck his lips and kiss them with passion and patience.

“ _Ah_ , faster, Derek, _please_ ,” Spencer pleads, matching Derek’s thrusts with his hips. Derek complies and pushes faster against Spencer. “Oh, just like that, _fuck_ ,” Spencer whispers.

Derek is in a trance. Being like this with nothing else but Spencer again is surreal. It’s a precious gift, something he has to cherish. Seeing Spencer’s face of pleasure, how he fights his closing eyes just to keep seeing him, the parted lips constantly moaning, his sweaty face and chest and blushed body, his pounding ass.

“Derek,” Spencer moans driving Derek’s attention to his words. “Touch me.”

Derek’s hand goes to Spencer’s aching and throbbing cock, which is hard against his abdomen and crimson red.  He gives him strokes at the pace of his thrusts and the task becomes easier when Spencer’s pre-come starts dripping.

“Like this, baby?”

Spencer nods mutely, lost at the sensation. The rough palm jerking him off is nothing like his own, and thinking of how many times Derek has touched him with those same hands since the last time something like this happened drives him fucking crazy.

His prostate is hit again and Spencer just wants to be able to rock into Derek’s hand and match his now erratic movements at the same time.

Spencer feels his orgasm approaching, the familiar shudder runs down his spine and his muscles tense involuntarily. “I’m- I’m close,” his breath hitches as he speaks, he is already fighting his orgasm from hitting him right then.

“Come, Spence,” Derek growls. “I want you to.” This has to be unforgettable and they’ve had enough practice; Derek knows he’s more than able to come as the same time as Spencer does.

That’s when everything becomes blurry, Spencer’s eyes fill with tears from the pleasure –no trace of sadness or something as awful as regret on those tears– and the moment is _perfect_. Derek is filling Spencer, lost at the feeling of the waves leaving his cock stretched by Spencer’s tensing muscles, Spencer being consumed as his whole body shakes and feels the electricity run over it as he comes.

When they are back to reality, no longer moaning their names and professing their love to each other, they don’t leave their positions immediately, taking a moment to catch their breaths.

“Derek,” Spencer whispers.

Derek kisses his forehead in response and smoothly leaves his body, without energies enough to keep hovering above him.

“I don’t wanna lose you,” Derek says.

“You won’t,” Spencer immediately answers. “And I’m not losing you. We can make this, Derek.”

Derek has questions he wants to ask, but he wouldn’t forgive himself if he ruined this moment by bringing up that no, they can’t make it. It’s not something they’ll go through and it’ll be over, it’s something fucking _permanent_.

Even when Derek isn’t saying it out loud, he _is_ ruining the moment by mortifying himself with those thoughts, so he brush them away as well as he can.

“Alright,” he answers quietly. “Come here,” he invites Spencer, holding his arm up for Spencer to rest on his chest.

Spencer goes to that sacred place, holding Derek around his waist, tracing patters on his naked skin and listening to Derek’s heartbeat.

Derek kisses his head, caresses his back. They don’t need to keep saying anything, to keep reassuring themselves about their circumstances or their pure love. They just relax and enjoy the pleasure of their company, trying to stretch the minutes so they’ll always be together.

Deep down inside of them, they know that no matter how dark things turn, they won’t ever leave each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm 99% positive that this is my first moreid anal. Lemme know your thoughts, please.
> 
> Thanks to those who started reading since the first update :) I appreciate your kudos and feedback.
> 
> Find me on tumblr: @marian-elisa.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this and maybe other of my fanfics, please visit my [Patreon account](https://www.patreon.com/venezuelanwriter/), in case you would like to help me pay for my college studies (literally, my semesters cost around $100) and also get some awesome, exclusive benefits!


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